Support your Partner but not in EXCESS

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Supporting a partner seems to be the right thing , especially when things become rocky. However, a new study finds that too much support — or the wrong kind of support — may actually do more harm than good. In recent studies researchers learned that too much support is harder on a marriage than not enough.When it comes to marital satisfaction, both partners are happier if husbands receive the right type of support, and if wives ask for support when they need it.

• The idea that simply being more supportive is better for your marriage, could be a myth.
• Often husbands and wives think, ‘If my partner really knows me and loves me, he or she will know I’m upset and will know how to help me.’ However, that’s not the best way to approach your marriage.
• Your partner shouldn’t have to be a mind reader. Couples will be happier if they learn how to say, ‘This is how I’m feeling, and this is how you can help me.

Too much of a good thing.

• Receiving more support than desired is a greater risk factor for marital decline than not being there for a spouse.

• If you don’t get enough support, you can make up for that with family and friends — especially women, who tend to have multiple sources of support. When you receive too much support, there’s no way to adjust for that.”

Four kinds of support were identified in a study:  

1. Physical comfort and  emotional support (listening and empathizing, taking your spouse’s hand, giving your spouse a hug).
2. Esteem support (expressing confidence in your partner, providing encouragement).
3. Informational support (giving advice, gathering information).
4. Tangible support (taking on responsibilities so your spouse can deal with a problem, helping to brainstorm solutions to a problem).

Results showed that too much informational support — usually in the form of unwanted advice-giving — is the most detrimental. In contrast, you can never go wrong providing esteem support, assuming it’s genuine.

Too little support was more common than too much. Receiving less support than desired was a complaint of about two-thirds of men and at least 80 percent of women. Only about one-third of men and women reported receiving more support than they wanted.
 
Support isn’t one-size-fits-all

• For men, it’s important that their wives provide the right kind of support, offering emotional, informational, tangible or esteem support as needed.
• For wives, it’s more important that their husbands try to be supportive — even if what they do doesn’t quite hit the mark.
• Husbands shouldn’t throw their hands up if they’re not sure what to do. They need to stay in there and keep trying.
• Dialog is key as I always say. If you need support, request it; if you’re providing support, ask how you can help — don’t assume you know what to do.
• The assumption is that men just want to be left alone and women want to be held and listened to.

In reality, different men want different kinds of support, and different women want different kinds of support.

Lessons one learns about relationship after getting into relationship

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Relationships are complex and sometimes hard. But there is no magical recipe to make them work. But there are often a few little things which can help you stay connected. Relationships always teach lessons and if you are a quick learner, it will help you overcome your weakness (I mean if you have any) otherwise, you will keep on tumbling. So, after getting into relationship we learn that it is important to:-

• ·         Spend quality time together

• ·         Respect each other

• ·         Celebrate together

• ·         Communicate often

• ·         Keep physical intimacy alive

• ·         Get through conflicts before they get complicated

• ·         Not to make winning a goal

• ·         Be open to change

• ·         Find something that you enjoy doing together

• ·         Co-operate

• ·         Put equal efforts

• ·         Trust your partner

• ·         Recognize your partner’s likes/dislikes

These are a few things which came across my mind and some of which I’ve learned personally. Being in a relationship is like sitting in a roller-coaster, without the seatbelts on. Hold on tight and your life seems to be a blessing. Everyone’s relationship is unique and there are unique ways to keep it alive.

How to Ruin Your Relationship in 9 Simple Ways

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Making and breaking a relationship is all in your hands and what influences the most is how you behave in a particular situation. And we understand what works by experiencing what doesn’t but not always.

But most relationships fail. There is simply no way to argue with it. Here is a list of few behaviours which might push you to splitsville.

1. Stop Listening - Finishing the sentence before the person, thinking you know what the person has to say. Often it is far different from what the person has to say
2. Say harsh words – remember memories can’t be erased.
3.  Gossip about your partner – Do not reveal secrets that you’re not ought to or been told not to or talking about the bad habits of your partner.
4. Be Egoistic – Ego will take your thoughts to a journey of its own and even if you bite your tongue enough you can’t stop yourself from arguing.
5. Blame your partner – It might sound awkward blaming others for your mistake just because of everything you don’t like about the person.
6. Ignore your partner - No one likes to be ignored and no one stays in a relationship just to ba ignored.
7. Tell what to do? And how to do it? – No one likes to be told but,  just think there might be a better way to do that you didn’t know.
8. Not Sharing what you feel – expressing your feelings might sometimes help your partner to realise the mistakes. Most of the times it makes you realise your mistakes.
9. Show anger – do this often and you are threatening your relationship.

If you are practising any of these, don’t panic. Just starting today work on these issues. Talk to your partner about these issues and about what works out for your relationship and what not. Almost anything can be done by mutual understanding.